Saturday, December 20, 2008
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Now playing: Miranda Lambert - More Like Her
via FoxyTunes
See that song, I've been playing it all night.
I'm tired, emotional, and feel like shit.
Yes, this post is from almost 6 o'clock in the morning. No, I haven't slept. What is sleep when you are dying?
I'm super emotional, because when I'm in this state I can't go to sleep without Rock. Something, anything Rock. But he's AWAL, I personally think because he's marrying his married fiance. *BTW I know that sentence is messed up. It's just been my life for the last 18 months.* So I don't have anything Rock to put me to sleep.
So I got a call from the doctor today. The tests have come back and have further confirmed it's either aplastic anemia or luekemia. Thanks, Doc. And I'm aware I didn't tell any of you this. I needed to process it.
Anyways, Dr. Frank. Not primary dr. Since these are going to be common for awhile here's the names. Dr. Samantha Moery-the one that likes to dash all dreams. Okay no I really like her. She's like 32 or something. Young, beautiful, and sweet. Dr. Frank-63, him and Rock would get along well. He's freaking bossy.
So anyways, I ran into Dr. Frank last night at Hastings. He's a beautiful speciman for as old as his btw. Anyways, he's like. "Keep that beautiful smile. I'm not going to let you die." Let me die. Funny one Frankie. I'll die if God choses it. And yes I'm aware you can't be mad at something you don't believe in. But I am. I hate him. Yes I said I hate God. Get it.
He makes me think of Rock all the f-ing time. Like come on. His name is obscure, it doesn't need to be EVERYWHERE!
He thinks on top of the man I still love and probably always will getting married I need a terminal illness. Nice one, God.
Okay, rant of the year. Probably shouldn't post it but I'm going to anyways.
I know you feel angry. I hope we can chat sometime soon and talk through things.
When it rains, it pours. You know this. Things will pass, and life will get better, I promise. We have to make the best of the time that we're here. It is natural to feel upset and angry, but that's why you are surrounded by people who love and care for you.
We are always here for you, please don't forget it.
Hoping we can talk soon (I'm offline for the morning, mostly)...
~Mimi
I'm always here if you want to rant and need someone to listen.
Rie, you are STRONG. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, can take you down unless you let it.
Find your inner light/power and imagine yourself fighting and healing.
*sends love and strength vibes*
I'm praying for you. <3
I was super upset last night, but your outpouring of love has comforted me!
*Hugs back*
I've been thinking about you a lot the past couple of days. I still don't know what to say other than I love ya and I'm thinking about you and praying for you. I wish I could take it all away so you didn't have to go through this, but I can't. I can be here for you though, whenever you need someone to yell at or a shoulder to lean on. I'm slow, but I get there eventually.
I don't understand why you're going through this, but I do know that God does know you personally and that He loves you and that He's crying with you. He doesn't like to see you in pain, even though pain is a part of this earthly experience. But hey, you're His little girl and what hurts you, hurts Him. He understands your pain, your anger, and your fears. He loves you. We love you. You don't have to go through this alone. Please remember this. Please. :)
But no worrying. It's the rule. No worrying. It's not healthy.
Love you!
Positive thoughts, prayers and whatever works best to give you peace and comfort - coming your way.
All strength to you.