Home Life

Merry Christmas!

Tomorrow at 10 I head to Denver, to be with the my sissy. We won't return until the 31st, so expect a lot less of my presence.

Christmas is my favorite holiday and this one should be pretty awesome. Sissy and me will together and right now that's all that really matters to me.

I'll take a ton of pics and post them on Picassa when I get back.

What are you guys doing for Christmas?

Love and Merry Christmas.

"Truth Will Set You Free But First It Will Make You Flinch"

Okay, today has been the best day of the entire month!

First of all, Rock is somewhat back, and as always he won't let me be sad. Why I listen to him more than anyone else, I don't know.

Second, Lindsay and me have been at each others throats. I mean badly at each others throats. Like kill me, kill her. Today she ran by and gave me my Christmas present, a tennis bracelet. Sweet huh?

Third, the doctor finally called. No I still don't know much.

Fourth, Did I mention I love you all? Well I do. I love every single one of you that has made me smile in the last month.

I'll make a short list, if I don't mention you, it's not that I don't love you.

Mimi-My twin, and a sweetheart. Who btw...not only listens to me complain about my health, but Lindsay and Rock as well.

Inky-Who is getting it through my thick skull that not trusting people isn't so good all the time. And speaks reason even when I don't want to hear it.

Lei-who is probably the bossiest one of them all. But she tells it like it is.

Okay, so I didn't list a ton of you. But I love all of you!

----------------
Now playing: Miranda Lambert - More Like Her
via FoxyTunes

See that song, I've been playing it all night.

I'm tired, emotional, and feel like shit.

Yes, this post is from almost 6 o'clock in the morning. No, I haven't slept. What is sleep when you are dying?

I'm super emotional, because when I'm in this state I can't go to sleep without Rock. Something, anything Rock. But he's AWAL, I personally think because he's marrying his married fiance. *BTW I know that sentence is messed up. It's just been my life for the last 18 months.* So I don't have anything Rock to put me to sleep.

So I got a call from the doctor today. The tests have come back and have further confirmed it's either aplastic anemia or luekemia. Thanks, Doc. And I'm aware I didn't tell any of you this. I needed to process it.

Anyways, Dr. Frank. Not primary dr. Since these are going to be common for awhile here's the names. Dr. Samantha Moery-the one that likes to dash all dreams. Okay no I really like her. She's like 32 or something. Young, beautiful, and sweet. Dr. Frank-63, him and Rock would get along well. He's freaking bossy.

So anyways, I ran into Dr. Frank last night at Hastings. He's a beautiful speciman for as old as his btw. Anyways, he's like. "Keep that beautiful smile. I'm not going to let you die." Let me die. Funny one Frankie. I'll die if God choses it. And yes I'm aware you can't be mad at something you don't believe in. But I am. I hate him. Yes I said I hate God. Get it.

He makes me think of Rock all the f-ing time. Like come on. His name is obscure, it doesn't need to be EVERYWHERE!

He thinks on top of the man I still love and probably always will getting married I need a terminal illness. Nice one, God.

Okay, rant of the year. Probably shouldn't post it but I'm going to anyways.

I thought I'd give you a run-down of some of the best links I've found to help me on the business side of publishing.

1-Writing-

CC-the best site EVER! Not only do you find the best friends on the earth, but you can expand your writing beyond your horizons!

Ywriter-Freeware to make your life as a writer just a touch easier.

Dictionaries- Visual learners and for those quick checks.

2-Querying

Agent Query- the best place to find agents of worth

Free Pdf file on how to write a query by Noah Lukeman

A great site to download a free tracker of who you've queried.

3-Publishing

duotrope.com- a great site for finding an online publisher to make a name for yourself.

There are 2 great sites for romance writers who don't want to go the route of an agent. Dorchester who publishes such people as Leigh Greenwood of the Cowboy series and Harlequin.

4-Promoting

Any successful author has to promote their work and you can do this free on such sites as, Twitter, myspace, and facebook. Don't forget to also have a blogger as most of you already do.

The last few weeks have shown me how un-idyllic it can be to be human.

Most if not all of you know about some health problems I'm having which has slowed me down on writing since I got out of school on the 12th.

The 3rd I was tested again for anemia to see if the iron had helped at all, which it hadn't sadly. I was then sent for more blood work, these results were not positive. On Thursday the 11th, I went into the ER, with a tachycardia (fast heartbeat), which is a symptom of what they believe me to have. Tomorrow before they will allow me to go in for my rescheduled bone marrow test I am going for a heart ultra sound.

My best friend, my heart and soul, thankfully is a nurse and is standing beside me throughout this ordeal. I would also like to thank those of you who have listened to me rant about doctors, have encouraged me and love me through out it all.

If I lose my hair, I'll need you all that much more!

I will be starting on the book as soon as my days aren't filled with doctor appts.

Idyllically Human!

So, I came up with a new idea last night I'm super excited about and here are the characters.

Children that were privately genetically engineered by a Geneticist are now deemed illegal. How do they cope with hiding the fact they are above average? How do they define the term "perfect"? And if they had the choice would they be "average"?

MC-Angela-flute player-17

Angela's BF-who is a nerd and is staring at her in pic above before she noticed him.Youngest sister-Hannah-insanely smart-11Oldest Sister-Michelle-"perfectly" beautiful as well as smart-22



youngest brother-Alec-animal lover and has kindred spirits when it comes to animals, can feel what others feel-Crystal child-9oldest brother-Bret-smart, athletic-15

Dad-42-Not sure of name for him-Very successful geneticist


Their home
Angela's car-

So...

Posting...

About what...

Don't know...

Shall post tomorrow...at least you know I'm alive.

Sorry, I haven't updated in forever. Life got a bit insane right around when sissy came home.

College is out in 10 days. I have 2 dr. appts tomorrow and another on Fri. Quite a few for a girl who hates docs.

Most if not all who will read this post are CC'ers. So I know I should talk about writing, but the thing is I haven't written in ages.

The only thing insightful I can talk about is tempers. My temper has gotten a little out of control lately, not that I've done anything reckless or dangerous about it, but I've seen more causes of it.

What has been getting me angry? Everything. Driving, talking to Rock, especially today, or anytime he's being insensitive, Christina, shopping, most of all loosing my temper.

Rock has anger issues. This is my biggest concern about him, for him. He's going to get himself in more trouble than he already has, an I'll be helpless to stop it or even console him. I think it's idiotic to punch people. Barbaric. I think handling anger in an adult way is healthy and productive, but I seem to be letting my anger manage me not the other way around.

For Thanksgiving we went to Ark City. Everything about the town angered me. From the knowledge that my arc (or is it arch) enemy had been there to having to be around Nate and Lakin.

We then went to Lawrence and I love the town! I want to move there and I want encouraged to move there, but Rock says I should and I want to tell him he obviously knows nothing about me if he thinks I should leave my family.

I'm cynical and often this has been misconstrued as anger, but now I feel true anger and I'm not sure why.

Sorry rant over.

I have heard this song on the radio a ton of times and it always makes me stop and go back to a place I haven't been in a while. Tonight I saw the video for the first time and it just is one of the best I've ever seen. Sadly I can't find one that I can embed.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1XKEIJw1fx0


I am psyched about getting more time to write and I have a bag of books to get myself started on reading again. I have about a month off soon.

During that time, me and Mom are going to Branson. There is a Dolly Parton concert that I want to attend and since Grandma Cloyce died we don't have an actual Christmas, so we are traveling for Christmas.

Next semester I have to rededicate myself to school. I need to get great grades and really start my pre-law classes. By Dec. next year I should be in the Masters program for psychology and hopefully I'll get a BHRS (Behavioral Specialist) job at Choices or another counseling agency in town. While still getting my Bachelors in History and Masters in Psychology in Alva.

This March I have two bills I want to get on the legislatures desk. Both I think would lower the rates of child abuse in the state of Oklahoma.

I don't have a closing paragraph other than my head hurts.

OIL ends tomorrow. I came home early because I wasn't feeling well and the delegation chair (cousin) angered me. So the title of this blog is in relation to a comment made by one of my best friends. He told me I was too sweet to be in politics. After a week at the capital I feel better able to refute this. I can be aggressive enough to make movements when needed. I also can be laid back and allow those bills I see no harm in passing pass without amendment.

I have two bills I'm proposing next semester, both have to do with child abuse. If you would like to read one or both please alert me and I will send you an e-mail of such.

If you like to ask any questions about the process feel free. I'm more than a little bit pumped about becoming a lawyer, but I also am even more excited about genetics. So I'm glad I'm still double majoring.

Me on my way to Senate.

Senate Chambers

Nano got put on the backburner. I doubt I make it. I'm not in the mood to write.

A tiny life update:

Lindsay and I were fighting as many of you are already aware. The absence was even more beneficial to our relationship than her apology and I have Kasey to thank for that.

Okay, so I was doing something I really shouldn't have been doing. Going over something that is past. Why? To find a certain picture, but the words around the picture are some of the most important lies that I've ever heard. "Important Lies" I think that could be a title of a pretty awesome book.

Important lies, how can lies be important?

Webster defines lies as "to speak falsely or utter untruth knowingly, as with intent to deceive.

So I'm saying something false is important? How can that be? In life falsities are to be important, only as if you check false on a test too many times and fail a test. Should a falsity be important. But how often is a false statement more important than a ton of great work?

Bill Clinton slept with Monica Lewinsky, but was that the important factor? No, it was that he lied under oath. Should that have been more important than the fact that he reformed welfare? Should that have been more important that he often crossed party lines to do what was best for the nation? In my estimation, no.

I know that is an ancient example, but you see it every day.

Here's a more recent lie, one that was far more serious in my opinion. Bush lied to the American public about WMD and got us into a war that has killed 4190 US citizens. That does not count the many Iraq citizens that have died.

So lies kill people? Yes, lies kill people. Daily. They break up more marriages than probably any other sin committed. They wreck lives.

How many truths can you say have done the same?

But do all lies have to be bad? No. Sometimes they are right and good. What we adults like to call "tact." But a false tongue is usually a hurtful tongue. So next time you are about to tell a lie, stop and think. Is this going to make the situation worse? Or better?

The question mark is cause I have no clue as to what I should blog about, but it's time for an update so here it goes!

 

Character Interviews-With Lei, Inky, and Michelle have been more than helpful! Love you girls! I've found out more about Abi tonight than I have for ages! I'm glad this is what I'm doing for Nano!

 

So I'm gonna be gone for a whole week during Nano. Insane huh? So instead of 4 weeks I'll do it in 3! 3 weeks?!? I doubt I make it, but I shall try!

 

Why am I missing a week of Nano? Come on people! What have I been raving about for months? Yep, I knew you'd get it! OIL!!! OIL is in like 2 days!

 

Tomorrow I go for new makeup, Tuesday I go for an updo, and Monday I need to pack. Oh and today I got my car detailed by John. He attempted to get me to go back out to Nite Lite tonight, but no I needed to stay in. I have a long week and need to catch up on some Z's.

 

Oh and as some of you know I've been a little concerned about some health issues. As soon as I get back from the city I'll be going in to the doctor to see if we can get it under control. If it means more pills I'm sure I'll be a bit upset, but hopefully it can be righted without a hospital stay. I'm sure I'm in for another lecture. I detest being lectured at by doctors. I get it, I don't slow down and take care of myself I'll die. Got it. Stop telling me it. If it's higher than a 5 I'm sure he'll go easy on me. I hope it's his PA. So much nicer.

 

So I have another INSANE month ahead!

 

Oh and enrollment is open! I need to go sign up for my next 21 hours for Spring. My LSAT is like a year away! Scary!!! Dec 5^th 2010. And my GRE's are this spring for the Psych Masters program.

 

Nano is going to be a blast! Oh and I now know how to use XHTML so I may be changing my layout more. If you comment, please say if you like the change or not.

So, I'm thinking. This may be a lame attempt at a poem or it could be just a string of words, but here it goes.

 

I love him, I love her.

I miss him more, but I need her more.

I don't know what to do without him, but living without her for a moment in time is like living without my heart.

I pull, I shove, he never budges. I pull, I shove, she swings with me.

Who do I turn to? Where do I go?

To him or to her?

Do I really have to make a choice?

 

So you can believe it's about anything you want to believe it's about.

Today was busy, I baked for the bake sale. A pecan pie (my favorite, I made an extra for myself), Reese's pie, Pumpkin pie, and two cakes, Strawberry and Chocolate Swirl.

I shopped for a ton of stuff. Including my Halloween costume. I'm not usually into the Halloween thing, but this year I have a Halloween office party to attend. So I got a costume of Dorothy from Wizard of Oz, including the red shoes. They are my favorite part of the costume.

Tomorrow I go to the bake sale and try to raise more money for OIL.

I found out that my Grandma's best friend died. All in all it was a pretty great day.

 

Oh and I told you I wouldn't be writing about writing for awhile, but I am seriously thinking about Nano and my goal is now to write 20k for Day instead of writing a whole new story.

Well, I got home today. The trip was awesome. I'm going to post my daily itinerary while I was gone so that I can just get everyone up to speed. The next couple of weeks all posts will not be about writing. So that's a warning. No writing for 2 weeks, then for the next 3 weeks will be nothing but writing as it's Nano season.

Wednesday: Flight at 7:10, got to Wichita at 5 something, so I had to wait. Which wasn't too as I had Baby Mama on my iPod. I arrived in Denver, said hi to everyone and then was silent. Have I mentioned I'm shy? Well, put me in a house with a man for 5 days and see how shy I get. There is only one man in the whole planet I truly get along with and it is NOT Elden.

Thursday: Ate, great food, and headed out to Aspen. Aspen was beautimus and not as crowded since it's off season. We stayed at this great hotel and ate the most delicious bbq.

Friday: Woke early to get back in time to eat with Grandma Emily. We played a game with her, then headed back home.

Saturday: Headed out to Estes Park. Man was it beautiful. At the end I'll have pics of Colorado in general.

Sunday: Went shopping for some suits for OIL.

Monday: Waited for stupid plane for 3 hours, because of weather. I then got on said plane and rode back to Wichita. Then I had a 2 hour drive home the whole time worrying about both my bill and about my Rock. He is in for one heck of a night and maybe a few months, and though I want to be there I'm just not so sure I can be, I need to be selfish this time and not let his life affect mine in such a big way. My bill got turned in today, without much input from me.

So tomorrow, I have to help raise money for OIL. I need to head to bed, I'll do pics tomorrow I promise. Love all, and to those that need extra love for the next few days, weeks. I'm always here just reach out.

I'm going to the state capital in like 2 weeks to present like I'm a member of the Senate. Which is a bit overwhelming. Tomorrow I fly out for Denver.

I have 2 bills to write.

I'm writing one with someone I've never met and they are due in a week. Scary!

Okay...I try to avoid certain topics, but I'm going to indulge myself. It's been a bad day.

Lindsay-upset me by not telling me goodbye. She hates goodbyes. I love goodbyes. It's just the difference in our personalities.

And the 3rd most important person in my life is in some kind of trouble. I got a message from his fiancee that she needs to talk to me. But then she went to bed, cause it was late and she has kids. I worry about him all the time. He may be twice my age, but that doesn't mean I believe he can care for himself. Man I hope he isn't going to be hurt emotionally.

Anyways I'm stressed and I doubt I'll be able to talk to any of you until Monday. So I love you all.

I have a new layout! I also have new hair! It's back to normal!

I have 4 days until I head out to Denver.

I don't have much to say. I'm plotting my Nano.

Ah! So I came up with a topic!

Cheers!

Where everybody knows your name,
and they're always glad you came.

Do you have a place where this is true? I have 2 places! One online and one here at home.

1. Online

CC, it's my home away from home. It's the place I go when there is news of any kind within my life I want to share with others and I've met so many people that have turned into friends. I'm going to list some of them and if I leave any out I'm very sorry you know I love all of you.

Sarah-She is super independent sometimes to her detriment and she is always a voice of reason.

Inky-She's a lover of all things good in life. Puppies, writing, and lives in the land of kangaroos.

Sparky-We may be almost exactly the same age, but we are very opposite. She is into dark sci-fi and I'm a bunny loving hug a bug. I love Obama, she loves McCain.

Rock-He is ALWAYS the one I turn to. Usually we fight to get past any issue I'm having. When I push I know he'll set a boundary and I'll not go past it and we will survive any fight I issue. Knowing I can't push him away means more to me than anything.

2. Life

Enid- my hometown.

Lindsay- She's my girlie. Anytime I'm awake, not at school, and she's not at work than we are together. She is a fun time. A place to turn. A best friend for the last 10 years.

D-We don't know each other all that well, but he supports my girl when she needs it and I know I can always call him if there is a problem.

Jared-Quiet, thoughtful, beautiful.

I can't forget my family. My sister and mother, they are the ones that hold me up when there is no world underneath my feet.

There are so many more in both worlds, but those I mentioned are the ones that have influenced my life the most recently.

I heard this song on my way home tonight...I instantly fell in love with it...

This is Ashton Shepherd...She is great...favorite song would have to be Taking off this Pain you Put on Me...or Old Memory

Next came Kellie Pickler...she is also great...on radio...there must have been some sort of problem cause she mumbled throughout her part.

But that didn't stop me from knowing my all time favorite of hers...Red High Heels. It brought back a day that happened almost a year ago...

Next a horrible band played...we took no pics of them. The piano player broke his keyboard during the concert because he hit his head too hard on it...they sounded like dying elephants or something...

The best was the headliner Sugarland...There are so many songs that are my favorites….Already Gone, which is about a girl leaving her Mom and her first love behind, Stay, which is about a woman telling the man she's having an affair with to stay with his primary love because it's too painful to share, and Genevieve, which is simply me and Lindsay's song, I'm not sure it has a real meaning other than we like it so it's ours.

Oh and did I mention I now have blue eyes? Yeah, I'm going a bit wild, but what is to be said for turning 21 if not wild? (oh and couch is ugly, but it's grandma's old people have NO taste.)

So I've had a few questions on what activities I'm participating in for my birthday.

Today, actual birthday, sorta got ruined, but I made the best of it. Or tried. I had to be away from my girlie. Her house got robbed, which made her horribly upset as it should. Poor baby. :(

I'm now off to bed, cause I have to clean in the morning and then on Friday we head to Stillwater, for a concert and then on Saturday at 3 I have an appointment to get a tattoo. 4 butterflies. Shall post pics later.

I don't have time to blog much anymore, so you're going to have to deal with a life update instead of a writerly post.

I've been a busy as can be! Friday, I went to the bar and the casino. Saturday, to the State Fair and then the bars. Sunday shopping and out with Lindsay then off to an OIL meeting. Monday, off to school all day. Tuesday I had the day off but was still busy. Today, I spent the entire day at school.

I have a paper, an amendment and 5 assignments due in math. My paper is over abortion and it hurts to see these pics. I'm not posting a link because I don't want others to have the images in their head. My amendment is over stiffer penalties for child abusers, where probation is not an option. And too much math! One problem of math is overkill in my estimation, but still.

I got utterly sick today, which convinces me I need to slow my pace a tad, but not right now.

This weekend I have the Thrashing Bee and Sat. is me and Rock's year anniversary of knowing one another. So no rest then, sounds bad, but I meant the Thrashing Bee it's a bit crazy when I have the Thrashing Bee. The anniversary will like my birthday go by without him doing a dang thing, understandably.

Wednesday is my 21^st birthday and Sissy and Lindsay have something planned which they won't divulge. Friday, I go to Sugarland concert and on Sat. I have an appt. to get a tattoo, though canceling sounds great at the moment. Sunday I hope to have some time with just Mom as Sissy is headed for Denver. On the night of the 15^th I fly out from Wichita to join her, then we drive back on the 19^th.

On the 5^th- 9^th of November I have OIL meeting in OKC, which I need to draft the amendment for.

So if I'm a bit AWAL don't worry, you can always catch me on CC or on my cell.

Love All…NIGHT!!!

Monday was my last day with the pups. Sadly.

On Sunday they went on a run.

Pics follow...Lab-Coco, Mutt-Lil' bit

Okay, pictures are super important to me if you haven't guessed by now.

My house flooded. All I'm saying if you want more info check here and here. Oh and if you don't know I live in Fairview

Anyways my pictures of my grandfather were ruined in it.

My grandfather died 5 years ago on the 9th of Sept. To say the least I'm the most upset about this.

He was the world to me.

Anyways it's tough right now, but I'm pulling through.

But some things push me over the edge into crying which usually wouldn't.

I thought it was about time I did a review of a book and so I want to start with the book that I read last night. Once I started I couldn't put it down.

I drew some comparisons out of the book that many teenage girls can easily relate to.

1) The allure of the dangerous.

Why is it that we go after the "bad" boys? The unfamiliar, the feeling of rebellion, the hint of danger.

2) The irresistible pull of a man that is bad for you.

You know you are gonna end up hurt. You know it and you do it anyways. You figure you will deal with the consequences later.

I loved the book and I think it's applicable for many teen girls as well as though a bit older.

I will review New Moon soon.

Preemptive to posting the professional pictures. I'm going to post some of my faves.

Fifi looking majestic as always.








Coco playing on the floor with toy



























Coco looking odd as heck.




























Lil bit on my lap!


Don't forget to join Zootoo.com a great website for all the puppies in the world!

Push and pull
Always feels like an attack

Are you simply full of bull
or is there a reason you always call me back

It's short and it's my first in AGES, but I hope it works.

This is just a quick update of my life. Things have been changing rapidly all year.

I'm in college 18 hours, but I think I'm dropping middle ages, with Platt. It's too early in the morning, and I don't make it there on time. So that will bring me down to a reasonable 15.

Lindsay wants me to move in with her, and I'm actually thinking about it.

I just started the Twilight series by Stephanie Meyer.

I'm sick. I have a cold, which will probably be defined as strep at the dr. appt. tomorrow. I've been going to hard with too little sleep.

I'm in O.I.L. the link is...http://www.okoil.org/

And as the reason I decided against a tattoo is now marrying I'm getting one for my birthday.

I'll be 21 in exactly 21 days which is ironic.

Oh and be sure to enter into Miss Snark's contest!

On Sat. my family including the sister God forgot to give me is going to have our pictures done, so as soon as I get them I will be posting some new pics.

Long weeks ahead, so expect short posts for awhile.

Do we as people draw toward chaos as a matter of course? Do we create in our lives to feel fulfilled?

I am taking 18 hours, I have 2 club meetings a week, and I have appointments almost every week, I am an active community of CC. I am devoted to my family and friends. All of this makes for a busy week.

Anyways, do you create chaos?

Today, I had me a lazy day because I'm so busy during the week.

I have a 10 pg. paper and 300 math problems, yesterday was car show and bar, so I deserved a lazy day. Only thing accomplished is ending a friendship a year in the making. I told Lil' bit that I got rid of mean old Uncle (Rock) and she looked sad. Hmm...I don't feel though at some point I'm sure I will.

I'm dedicated to having one per month if I can. Next month, hmm...meaning Sept. is insane so I doubt I'll get one that month.

September -

5th-final paper due, psych club meeting, eye appt.

6th-pics done

and then craziness getting ready for the show.

the 25-28 I have the thrashing Bee-ugh!

I am a faithful reader of Ellsworth blog and I saw a post about The Chia Story, which upsets me to no end. I am joining the boycott.

Judgmental people! Okay I get it. You don't like my choices, you don't particularly like me, but you don't really have to be around me cause I don't particularly like you.

People that are judgmental tell others to have a open mind when theirs is so closed, which is simply hypocritical.

I'm judgmental. I think if you ruin your life than it's your fault and that I don't wish to do anything about it, even if it's my own sister.

If you don't like my genre, don't read what I write. If you don't like me don't strike up a conversation.

How about this I go my way. You go yours and we will survive peacefully.

New layout! New gadgets! New EVERYTHING!

If you are surfing through and don't see your blog linked leave me a comment and I'll add it. I forgot some as I'm extremely tired.

I'll make a real entry maybe tomorrow.

This blog is in 2 parts.

Substance
I was just updating my blog list and I realized that those blogs that are interesting are the ones that have substance. Not just the random tidbits of life and writing but those that actually have some heart. So often, we are taught to show the world the most superficial sides of us, when in actuality all of us want to get to the heart of the person as quickly as possible.

Why do we all give superficiality to the outside world? Fear. But what is to fear? Rejection? Judgment?

We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves. ~François Duc de La Rochefoucauld

This quote recognizes this.

Is our writing superficial? And if it is that the biggest problem within it? Instead of grammar and all those little things we spend so much time on, what if the main problem is that we are afraid to put ourselves out there which shackles our writing to being only skin deep?

Life

What have I been doing this weekend?

Shopping, hanging with Lindsay, and by far the most difficult, cleaning out Grandma's house.

Shopping:
I got new clothes, stuff for my car, dog stuff, my nails and hair done.

Lindsay:
We spent Sat. night together, but I got mad and drove home at 1 a.m. We are going out next weekend. Casino, shopping, clubbing, and then back to her place.

Grandma's:
When she died I NEVER expected it to be this hard.

So I haven't given anyone a true update for some time.

Since this is supposed to be a writerly blog I'll start there. I haven't written in ages. I don't see the time coming in the next week, but soon I will sit down to write.

Next: dogs

Fi-great though is having some asthmatic problems. She's as sweet as always.
Lil' Bit-actually better than great. I love her to pieces.
Coco-She's annoying as usual and is having a rougher time since I'm never with her anymore.

Getting ready for back to school:
Computer-I got a red Dell which I'm in love with
Phone-I got a new Blackjack II it's precious and let's me check CC and e-mail anytime I want
Car-I got a granite/slate colored Cobalt. I love it. I got it today. Must make cd's for.
-I'm getting accessory plates for it. Front-Lil' Sis Back-I still haven't decided.
-I'm getting pink heart coverings for it.

Tomorrow I go to Stillwater, then Enid, then Lindz's and I'm already exhausted.

I've been thinking about this post for awhile. I want to share something with you all that I don't share with many.

My prayers.

I learned that one of the best ways to pray is with you're hands reminding you.

First the thumb-the person closest to you. I always put Rock here. No matter how angry no matter what. He may not be the closest person to me at the time, but he needs the prayers. I always pray that he will make the right decisions and that he won't screw up his life.

Index finger-Family leader- Mom, she drives to work on no sleep. I'm always worried that she will wreck. So I pray for her safety.

Middle-Country-I pray that we find the right leader. We are in troubled times.

Ring-is the weakest finger so you pray for the weakest person-Before Grandma died she was in that place. Now it's Sissy.

Pinky-last is for yourself-I pray that I will find happiness in the small things.

I have been out for awhile.

This week. I got news Grandma Cloyce (Grandpa's wife not Nate's gf) is dying, Coco had surgery, and I went in for testing. It's been a hectic week with not much good news.

Anyways I'm alive.

I'll be back for school soon.

Okay, so I'm horrible and haven't posted in almost two weeks.

What have I been doing? Not writing. Okay I wrote a short. That is it.

I went to see Sex in the City. It was great. Mr. Big has a name which is a shocker and I still claim that the only name he has is Big. I was fine and dandy until they gave the naked neighbor of Samantha's a name. They were on the beach in L.A. and his name was ??? Must I say more? Such an unusual name but lately it's been popping up everywhere.

I also went to Prince Caspian. Good movie.

Today I'm spending shopping. I haven't had a good girl's day in forever. I have to buy tons!

Tomorrow I'm chopping off my hair. That I've been attempting to grow out and keep brown. So now it is going to be blond and short.

So as usual doggie updates!

Coco- better. No more biting and sits perfectly. I'm buying her a dress today. Okay, I'm aware I'm a girlie girl. It's fun.

Lil bit-good. She got off her collar on her walk a couple of days ago and ran to this hottie Mchottie. He's in the army and uniforms and suits are the best things a man can be in. He was out running and I had to get my eyes off him before I could redirect them to chasing her. He lives 3 houses down and just moved in like 2 weeks ago. Oh and I'm now completely a free agent so perfect timing.

Fi-okay I still love her, but she bit me and she's a huge pitbull. Sissy says its because she doesn't like Love being around. So bite him NOT me.

(Side-note:Is it horrible to refuse to answer your cell? I'm not answering today!)

Okay off to research Cesar Milan. It's my summer project to get all three completely trained, hence my focus on them. Cesar Milan lives in a place that is beautiful, I didn't think it would be since it's urban and all, but it is. It's beautiful.

Okay so I've been non-existant. It's really okay. I'm fine. Everything is fine.

So last time I posted I stated that I was upset with both Rock and Love. (Hmm...why does Rock always come first?)

I'm no longer upset with either. Let's say that one learnt his lesson and the other never will. Rock is great. Stubborn, majestic, full of temper, and great. Or it could be that I missed him. I was a bit mean to him today, but I don't think he gets it and that angers me.

So Coco, is still the demon dog. DD for short. Let's just say if she was a boy I'd name her Rock's real name. She bites, then she expects love, she jumps and scratches. She doesn't care how much she hurts me as long as I keep spoiling her, and I'm a sucker for her green eyes.

Lil' bit is still my baby. Her deep brown eyes. Ugh she can get by with anything with those puppy eyes. When I'm with Coco I'm afraid she will get jealous and hurt, but she doesn't really. She simply controls Coco the best she can.

Then there is Fi! Oh my gosh, my sweetie pie! Okay so a tornado ripped through Fairview. Which knocked out the electricity. She climbed into bed next to me and was on guard the entire night. I think she may be my true favorite.

I'm wierd and like to think what they'd be like if they were human. Coco, who knows other than annoying. Lil' bit would be a little blonde cheerleader. Peppy and beautiful. Fiesta would be very bossy and protective and she'd let me get by with anything.

I haven't dyed my hair in ages, but it is turning incredibly blonde for the summer which I need to nip in the bud or not. Depends. Swimming everyday has done that and made me tan. Exotic, no. American, yes.

I've never really wanted to live West until yesterday. It was 68 there while it was 103 here. I'm burnt. I'm tired and more than anything I'm grumpy.

In 5 days Grandma flies out West. 2 hours north to be exact. Will is graduating. Nate is going.

Which brings me to tempers. Tempers need to be controlled. I worry endlessly about him. It's going to get him killed one of these days.

Writing has been non-existant.

She is still cute, but oh so annoying.

She has me on the constant run and she bites. She bites a lot. She has bitten me 3 times this morning. Once she got my entire hand in her mouth.

Now she is sleeping on the couch. First time I've had a moment to update.

Writing has been non-existent, but I'm going to write today even if I have to crate her. I shouldn't have to.

I'm mad at both Rock and Love for the first time in conjunction ever.

I'll write something puzzling about writing after I settle down.

Cocoa Michelle came home yesterday. Cute doesn't start to describe her. So some pics I'll post more words about her and other stuff later.


And here is the video of me playing with Lil' bit I promised.

I've been thinking about moods this morning.

The stages they go through.

Last night I was angry (dogs barking), then sad (uncle died), then content (Rock-enough said), then hurt (I broke my wrist).

This morning I've been happy (Mom being pretty perfect), philosophical (art-What is art? thegoddessblogs.com), and content (looking at babies).

So as author's it is our job to show these transitions in our characters, but what about the sudden emotion changes. Such as last night on American Idol, George Michaels came on before he did they sang Father Figure. I had a violent reaction to it. Minutes before I'd been completely calm and then all of a sudden I had enough adrenaline to put my finger in my ears even that of my broken wrist.

I was like "MUTE IT"

How do we know what will be the trigger of violent reactions for our characters? We are to make them as lifelike as possible, right? It can be something so small.

I remember after Love and me broke up the first time the smell of his cologne made me break down.

So during that horrible black moment I'm going to make Abigail have something that just makes her break. It can't be music, as they didn't have radio. It can be a scent, but what scent?

What makes people tick? What little things makes you have a reaction?

Like the moon? Does everyone feel the same every time they look at it that I do? Does everyone have the sense of awe? Does everyone look at it and say we are all globally connected? Or is it because my favorite lullaby is "I see the moon, and the moon sees me, and the moon sees the one that I want to see, So God bless the moon, and God bless me, and God bless the one that I want to see"?

So we need to know more about our characters than we even know about our best friends. I have no clue what a trigger for Lindsay would be. What makes her think about Matt more? What makes her sad? See these are things I should know, but I just don't.

And just so those onlookers now. Lindsay is happy with her bf, but that doesn't mean Matt doesn't haunt her thoughts. I'm happy with Rock, today, but that doesn't mean "Father Figure" doesn't remind me of the pain he's caused me. And I still love Love's cologne, makes me want to crawl up into his arms.

I'm too tired and cranky to write so I'm procrastinating.

3 unsent messages, 4 blogs read, useless research, lots of conversation later I still haven't even opened my files. Yes, I have time off so I should be even more dedicated to writing. I know this, but yet I'm procrastinating.

I want to get at least one of those messages actually sent, but I have no idea how to phrase it.

On a slightly different note (though technically it is still procrastination), I'm highly annoyed with the way that the political war between Hilary and Obama is going. I want him to just get the primaries already. She should bow out. Her husband didn't leave after being impeached and it looks like she has no intention of leaving until she is forced out. Kentucky actually chose her! Oklahoma did too, what a shock! We really want a manipulative liar in office?

I'm sorry to all those that actually like her, but come on! You want a woman that portrays all of the negative stereotypes about women in office? Really? You want a cold fish. I bet her motto coincides with that of the Queen of England, "Look the other way and think about England." If I was her husband I'd be cheating too. If I was her daughter I'd have nothing to do with her. I feel honestly sorry for Chelsea Clinton.

Then don't even get me started on McCain. Do you want four more years of Bush? I don't hate him on a personal level, but I hate the idea of this war continuing.

I don't really want any of the 3, but Obama is the best choice. Now I'm done with my political rant.

I joined a new shorts queue today. I need to crit! There is another Okie in the group, it's nice to finally have someone from my area at CC!

I also submitted 3 pieces to Miss Snark's first victim. I think dialouge is my strong suit. Narration is where I get tied up!

I need to work on 3 different stories.

First, my baby, A Bringing of a New Day, I've been working on it for dang near a year. I have 11 chapters done, so what does that average? A chapter a month? Not as bad as I had thought. I'll get it done someday. I've edited it more than I've written it. Does it ever seem like that? You keep editing and it's just never good enough? And so you just push it away. I have oomph for it tonight, for once.

Another reason I don't have the oomph to work on it is that I keep running into this realistic idea of marriage being useless. How can you write about something you aren't sure you believe in? I used to believe in Happy Endings. Honest to God happy endings. The first time I even identified that I believe in "happy ever afters" was watching Enchanted. The witch said, "A place where happy endings don't exist." and I was like "What!?! There aren't happy endings?"

Well, I guess it's true. At least in relationships. I read on thegoddessblogs.com a long time ago that one of the best tidbits of advice they've been given is something to the effect of "All relationships require work, but if you get equal back it doesn't feel like work."

Don't get me wrong. I'm happy. Most of the time. But the idea of marriage just doesn't work out for me. The idea of spending my life with one person for the rest of my life is easy. When I'm in love I'm devoted. And it's not that I've never been in love. I have. I've had more than my fair share of love stories. Heck, the men I've been in love with have lasted no shorter than eight months and going.

So why can't I write about romance? Because one thing ties me up. How can anyone deal with the fights for that long? How can anyone work through the fights that are inevitable when being with the same person for so long?

People that are supposed to be "happy couples", aren't. I don't see one marriage, one relationship that is truly happy. Okay, I'm sure I'm going to be crucified for this, but it's relevant to writing because how can you write about something without cynicism permeating when everywhere you look relationships are falling apart or should be?

Last night I started on a Children's book, or Mid-grade. Right now it's tentatively titled The Grasshopper. So far it has spark that I can't put into romance right now. It gives me back the passion to write, but the only problem is I don't know where it wants to go. I kinda let it take me and I'm not a "pantster" I need to plot from here on out and I don't know a thing about it other than the 4 main characters are Jared, a grasshopper, a squirrel, and a buffalo calf.

So hmm...should I plot, sleep, or write on Day?

Day?

What happens at a picnic under a tree with a 6 year old, a man, and a woman?

The six year old takes center stage of course. So the goal of the next scene is to bond Annie and Jacob, the conflict is internal within Abigail, so that means it needs to be in her POV, and the outcome is she sees that it's a good thing that Annie and Jacob are bonding. They bond over grapes, and laughter. To draw this out and make it relevant you need to show the questions this arises in Abi's thoughts. Does she think about her own father? or just the jealousy that reigns? (Wow, I can type with my eyes closed. I might be a bit tired. The dogs decided to sleep with me last night. 4 interrupted hours of sleep. I must be getting old. This used not to affect me at all.)

Batteries in the camera died or I would post pics of them, and I have a video to show! Soon!

Brain flash! She remembers when her father was a good father.

Okay, so I'm adopting yet another dog. Hey, once I start liking something, I'm addicted...at least for awhile. So on Saturday the 24th we go pick up Coco Michelle.

Isn't she PRECIOUS!!!

She is 12 weeks old, a lab and has the cutest green eyes I have ever seen!

I'm ecstatic! Counting down the days until my new baby girl is in my arms.



Must not forget about my other babies. So more pics of them!

They're adorable.

Okay so location, location, location!

The best spot on the earth for walking the docs is about 10 miles south of Fairview! It's right along the lake and as you can see is covered in brush that the dogs love to run through!

Here is Fi, standing beside Auntie's car. She isn't as fond of car rides as Lil' bit is, but she up for a ride whenever we deem to take her on one. She seldom gets to go with Auntie.







This here is my little car mate. Wherever Auntie goes she goes! As you can see she is perfectly behaved in the car. Her favorite thing to do is lay her head on top of Auntie's shoulder as we go down the road.

This here is me in the car with Lil' Bit my baby! She is the most precious most lovable dog on the whole earth. My face looks incredibly wide in this pic, but it's been a long long day of hiking and no makeup.


Here is non-squished face, though still no make-up. And if your wondering why I love Sepia 'tis because I'm as pale as a ghost and NO ONE gets to see me pale as a ghost pics. Oh and yes I'm perpetually tired, perhaps because I'm on the net until oh tis about 2:07 now.




Just so you can remember once in a while I am innocent and do take the time to wear make-up here is once again my favorite senior pic.